In the spirit of that timeless children’s classic, Go the F**k to Sleep, this is what’s been running through my head since December 26 (disgruntled parents, please feel free to add your own verse in the comments):
Holiday breaks are lovely.
Our family vacation was cool.
But it’s been three weeks since Christmas,
Please go the fuck to school.
Dad’s cracked open the whiskey.
Your father is no fool.
This Polar Vortex is bullshit.
Just go the fuck to school.
This house is not a democracy.
There is no majority rule.
I’m your mother and I say put on your boots,
And go the fuck to school.
The roads are too icy for buses?
There’s freezing Arctic air?
I don’t care if your school’s not open.
You need to fucking go there.
If you don’t go to school soon,
I’ll kill you myself, I swear
Go piss off your teachers instead of your parents,
And get the fuck out of my hair.
Two hour delay this morning?
Your superintendent is cruel.
Stand at the bus stop anyway,
And go the fuck to school.
